Kill Your Darlings

Afraa Maiza, Tunisia

Do you know what the saying “kill your darlings” means?

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

I asked on Facebook about the topic of “giving up attachment,” and I collected some opinions:

Sufyan says: “To be attached to someone means to lose myself.”

Othman says: When we think that we love, the idea of giving up becomes synonymous with failure, so you prefer to keep the one you think you love no matter what it costs you psychologically… and with your bad luck, you find yourself with a type of people who love “emotional blackmail.”

Hagar says: “Relationships were made to reassure us, not to tire us.”

Marwa’s opinion: “Any relationship, whether it is, friendship or love, is created for comfort so that we can be at ease on our life’s journey. If the relationship makes us tired, takes away our psychological peace, and causes us to overthink, making us unhappy, then it is better to let it go… Any person we bring into our lives should provide comfort, understanding, support, happiness, and accept us as we are. If it involves more fatigue than comfort, then comfort and psychological peace are more important.”

Yasmine: Giving up is not just about letting go of things we don’t like, but it’s about moving towards things we love…” Yasmine wrote a longer comment than that, but I liked this sentence very much… Because when we give up something that holds us back, we open ourselves up to new beginnings, not endings.

Sawsan: “quit what hurts you.” No matter how attached you are to something or someone, put in your mind that you deserve better. Start getting rid of things that are related to the pain. Never hoard belongings you no longer use. Give them to charity, whether they are clothes, books, or anything else. You will see how liberating it is. Try the exercises that challenge you.”

From all these ideas, we come again to the term we started with, “kill your darlings.”

There is a colloquial proverb that says: “Cut off the hand that hurts you.”

If the shirt you love so much is making you late for work because it requires cleaning… don’t wear it!

If the type of food you like will make you gain a lot of weight, cause obesity, and make your body tired… then don’t eat it!

If you are waiting for a certain call and you know this call will disturb you and cause you distress, don’t reply to them no matter how important they are.

The meaning of these examples is that at some point in your life, you must have the ability to dispense with some things, no matter how much you love them, no matter how attached you are to them, or even if you think you cannot live without them. Because you will simply be surprised at your ability to live without these things!

Of course, it is certain that you will grieve and go through some withdrawal symptoms at first… But suddenly you will realize that you are back to being as normal as you were, but stronger, and your self-confidence has increased more and more.

So create a positive surge in your life and dispense with the things you love that you know inside are hurting you!

Surely my words are not limited to just a shirt, a call, or food! Our lives are full of deferred fateful decisions that we run away from making daily… just because we cannot convince ourselves that we are able to live without them!!!

(In other words), there are people who delude ourselves that we need them and we always find excuses for them and give them many opportunities… But for how long?! Sometimes it is necessary to relax your grip on some of the things that you force yourself to hold on to in order to continue your life normally.

The writer and self-awareness consultant Banan Saad says: “What does it mean to be emotionally free? Your feelings belong to you… They are not dependent on someone else. Love is from you and in you, and the other person is a catalyst for it. You share love with others and do not confine it to a specific individual. You focus on “pleasure” by allowing love to flow and reveal itself, shielding yourself from harm, because love is always within you, whether they are with you or away from you.”

And I conclude with the following example: “The thing you are afraid of losing… Lose it, so that you can stop being afraid”

Love let go,